


A Feeling, to Say the Least

by hellowkatey



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Old Ben Kenobi, Rekindled, Sharing a Bed, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-24 21:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellowkatey/pseuds/hellowkatey
Summary: As a fellow padawan alongside Obi-Wan Kenobi, the two of you were practically inseparable throughout your training... that is, until you were forced to take leave from the Jedi order.You thought you'd never see Obi-Wan again. He thought the same.Years later, you find your worlds colliding when Obi-Wan crash lands back into your life.[Pre Ep. I / Post Ep. III]
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Original Female Character(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi & Reader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Original Female Character(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 138





	1. When We Were Young

You don't like to think about your youth. For many reasons. 

The pain of loss is at the forefront of it all, plaguing even your happy memories with the dread of what was to come. 

But every so often, you hear the kids sitting on the stoop telling stories of a mysterious and powerful Force.

And the warriors who knew how to control it. 

It brings a smile to your lips, and you glance to the small locked box in the corner of your home. 

As much as it hurts, deep down you will always be a Jedi.

At least to yourself. 

* * *

Legs folded beneath you, you breathe deeply.

The world

melts

away. 

In your deep meditation. 

Master Yoda's voice prompting your thoughts.

Somewhere in the corner of your awareness.

You are able to hold your concentration for nearly three hours. "For you, a new record", Master Yoda smiles as he dismisses you. As you exit the temple you feel a breeze blow past you as a few other younglings run across your path. 

"Kenobi!" You yell, spotting your closest friend among them. He stops when he hears his hame, his face lighting up when he sees you. He jogs towards you. "Where are you going?" 

"Master Dooku and Qui-Gon are back!" his blue eyes are twinkling and his smile is so wide it's contagious. Your eyes widen when you hear this. Qui-Gon has been away for weeks, making things around the temple pretty boring. You take off with Obi-Wan, running towards the landing bays. When you reach it, a whole herd of younglings has already gathered around Qui-Gon, who is down on one knee telling an animated story about something. You and Obi-Wan stop from a distance. 

"I hope he picks me to be his padawan one day," you say wistfully. How exciting it would be to travel the galaxy and train under the infamous Qui-Gon. You've heard rumors that he will get the rank of Master soon, which would make him due for an apprentice. 

"I believe everyone does," Obi-Wan chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest. You watch his lips pull tight as he runs his gaze over the many younglings surrounding the infamous padawan. Obi-Wan is a year older than you, but you hit your growth spurt first, much to his dismay, so you have the advantage of towering over him. Ever since you came to the temple when you were six, you've been the best of friends. Now, nearly eight years later, not much has changed. You're still inseparable, despite the warnings from Jedi masters to not become attached.

"Are you included in _everybody_?" 

"What?" His eyes dart between you and Qui-Gon. The day Obi-Wan learns how to hide his emotions will be the sad day you lose the upper hand on him. 

"Would you want to be Qui-Gon's padawan?" 

He nods stiffly. "He has the best adventures." 

"Because he never follows the code." you remind him. 

"Only the Sith use absolutes," Obi-Wan mocks, imitating the deadpan voice of the historian that teaches Jedi history. You roll your eyes, but can't help a smile that appears on your lips at your inside joke.

"Fine, he only follows it _half_ the time."

"Now that could be true." 

"Maybe Qui-Gon would lighten you up," you say, jabbing him in the ribs with your pointer finger. Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow at you. 

"Lighten me... I'm lightened up!" 

"Kenobi, you might as well be a procedural droid." 

He shakes his head. "Just because I like to follow the rules doesn't make me a _droid._ Some... would argue it makes me a good Jedi."

You press your hand to your chest in mock outrage. "Are you saying I _won't_ be a good Jedi?" 

While you're the best of friends, you are also quite the opposite when it comes to your styles. Obi-Wan may be able to sit and meditate for over a day's time, but you have always been a better pilot and warrior, your impulsivity aiding you as much as it hinders you in other areas that require more patience and control. Master Yoda gives you a lot of trouble for it. 

Obi-Wan smiles at you, reaching over and putting a hand on your shoulder. "Those are your words, not mine," he says, a few laughs escaping his mouth before he pushes you back and takes off towards the other kids. You groan his name and run after him. 

Oh, how you're gonna clobber that kid the next time you are partners for saber training.

You reach Qui-Gon and the others, punching Obi-Wan in the shoulder when you catch up. When you reach the circle, the padawan stops speaking, his eyes locking with yours as his face falls a little bit. Suddenly you feel it, this deep ache in your belly that radiates through your torso, nearly buckling your knees. You feel Obi-Wan's hand jet out and grab your arm. Distantly, you can hear him and Qui-Gon saying your name. 

"Take her to the temple," he says to Obi-Wan. "I will meet you there." 

You don't really remember how you got back to the temple, but suddenly you're seated on the floor and Obi-Wan is kneeling in front of you, his hand resting on your cheek as you depart from the haze of pain and suffering the Force put you in. 

"Hello there," he says when you finally focus on him. "It's going to be okay." 

"What is happening?" you say, panic bubbling in your chest. "What is the Force trying to tell me." 

"Obi-Wan." a booming voice echoes through the temple. You both turn to see Qui-Gon, Master Yoda, and Master Dooku approaching. All with alarmingly neutral looks on their faces. "Leave us." 

He looks at you, his eyebrows knit together in concern. You nod, patting his hand. "I'll talk to you later." He stands, bowing and leaving the temple. 

You stand as steady as you can to greet the masters and padawan. 

"Felt a disturbance, you did?" Master Yoda asks. 

"Yes, Master... it was of pain... and suffering. Has something happened?" 

Qui-Gon steps forward, that same sad expression from when you saw him earlier seeping through his stoic features. "I'm afraid we received word of an attack on the planet Sorgan. It appears that--"

"No." you interrupt, shaking your head. "Don't say it." You feel everything spinning again. 

"I'm very sorry." 

And then you drop to your knees, expecting to cry but the tears are trapped someplace. 

You can hear Master Dooku talking about an attack. How an entire village outside the city was completely destroyed in the night. 

You don't need to ask which village it was.

Through the force, you see it clearly now. The village, illuminated by a red glow. Huts ablaze with fires so hot the tongues of flame are white. Echoes of screams pierce your ears until they are booming, doubling you over with the same pain they feel as the fire engulfs their bodies and blaster fire strikes their unarmed figures. Through the agony, you search for the hut in the center of the village, the base of the home lined with stones. 

There.

That familiar place now lies half charred, the rest pure ember. You reach out, your palm resting on the front door... or what is left of it. It's still warm. 

"Mama?" you say, your voice choking. "Papa?" 

There is no answer and you don't expect there to be. You know the truth. 

Coming out of your vision is like getting the wind knocked out of you. One moment you're there in the midst of the decimated village and the next you're lying on the floor of the Jedi Temple. The day has gone as you lie in the shadow of the night. Pulling yourself up, you rub where your arms and legs have gone numb from lying in a precarious position for so long. 

"Ten hours." you hear a voice from the corner of the temple. Looking over your shoulder you see Qui-Gon seated with his legs crossed in a meditative pose just a few feet away. "I will tell Master Yoda you beat your record by a considerable amount." 

He's joking. His lighthearted statement with such a serious tone is throwing you off. 

"I need to go back," you say, your voice sure but your mind is confused by your own words. 

"There is nothing you can do there." 

"Do you know who ravaged the village?" The padawan is silent. "Qui-Gon, please." 

"If you leave, you will be forfeiting your training." 

"Do you know why I sought out the Jedi order?" 

He actually looks a little confused. "Sought out?" 

"Long ago, before my time, a Jedi passed through our village. He crashed his ship nearby and needed time to repair it. While in the village he told stories of the Jedi, and even discovered some who were sensitive to the Force. My mother was one of them. 

She was a little older than me then. Too old to be trained, but he did tell her all about the Force and the Jedi order. Taught her a few tricks as well. When I was born years later, she knew I was like her, but I wasn't going to come here. On a planet such as Sargon, the Jedi do not expect to find students, so they don't come looking. I loved my family and my home, but when I was five our village was attacked by raiders. They pillaged our crops and destroyed some of the homes. I wanted to help them, so I told my mother I wanted to become a Jedi." 

"You feel that you failed," Qui-Gon says. "Since you weren't there. That is not true, though. You are in grief. These feelings are natural. Master Yoda would tell you to meditate on it. Even out your feelings and consider the implications of leaving."

"And what would you say?"

"Search your feelings," he says. "That is my advice to you." He stands up, bowing. "I truly am sorry to be the one to bring news about your home." 

You stand to return his bow. He departs from the Temple and you go out the back entrance towards the student sleeping quarters. 

Before returning to your room, you stop at Obi-Wan's. It's already past curfew, but you suspect everyone has not heard of your news and won't want to mess with you. You knock twice before opening the door a crack. You hear a groggy voice say your name before you slip in. 

The room is dark except for a small window. In a bunk on the far side of the room, Obi-Wan sits up.

"What happened?" 

You walk over to his bunk, sitting down on the edge of his bed near his feet. The air between you is thick, and you realize saying this out loud is a lot harder than you expected it to be. You let out a deep breath. "Your bunk is more comfortable than mine," you say, pressing your hand into the soft material. "That's not fair." 

"You were gone all day. No one was allowed in the temple." 

"Your room is bigger too. How did I end up with the--"

"Hey." You feel his hand reach out and rest on the crook of your arm. "What is it?"

Feeling him touch you nearly sends you over the edge and into an emotional fit. You can feel the energy surrounding him, full of concern and a little fear. It's abnormal for Obi-Wan to be so open with how he's feeling, letting the Force waft it around like the scent of fresh-baked cookies. He's usually so careful to keep himself internalized. 

It's contagious. You feel a tear escape your eye, silently running down your cheek. 

"My family is dead," you say softly. Another tear drops off your chin, landing where Obi-Wan's hand lays on your arm. He flinches slightly at the contact, and when he realizes what it is he reaches forward, wrapping his arms around you and placing his chin on your shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so sorry." 

You stay like that for a long time: Obi-Wan hugging you while you let the tears that refused to fall earlier drip down your face. You start to get drowsy, resting your head against Obi-Wan's head when he reaches up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, and loosens his grip on you. 

"You should go to sleep. We can talk tomorrow if you need to." 

You nod, standing up. 

"Thank you, Obi-Wan."

You head back to your room, but after walking through the cold hallway you're suddenly not tired anymore. 

_"Search your_ f _eelings_." Qui-Gon's voice echos in your head. You've heard that phrase a hundred times, but this time is hitting harder. You sit down on your bed, crossing your legs and closing your eyes. You let yourself fall into the space that exists where the Force runs the strongest. It swallows you whole, and for a while you feel like you're falling 

in 

an 

endless 

pit

until

you 

land.

softly this time.

* * *

The sun peaks out in the distance when your meditation ceases. You can hear activity in the hallway, even at such an early hour. Students getting up for early lessons, padawans reporting for duty with their masters. 

Every morning you awoke with an excitement for what the new day would bring you. Not today though. 

You searched your feelings. There was only emptiness there. 

You do know what you must do though.

* * *

Obi-Wan awoke to a knock on his door.

"This early? Really?" he groans, expecting to roll over and see her standing in the doorway, but to his surprise, Qui-Gon Jinn stands behind Master Windu, both of which who have an uninterpretable look on their face. Obi-Wan jumps up, muttering apologies as he bows to the Jedi Master and padawan. 

"Did you know?" Master Windu asks, holding out a piece of paper.

"Know what?" he steps forward, and takes the paper, immediately recognizing the poor handwriting. "What is..." 

> _To whoever finds this._
> 
> _I must return to my home to assess the damages and see if there are any survivors. I wanted to become a Jedi to protect my family and my people, but with their death I need some time to heal and see what I can do to help. I know since I have left I am forfeiting my training, but after a lot of thought, I know that this is what I need to do._

Obi-Wan reads the short letter two or three times, trying to process her words. His chest feels heavy as he scans down to a small section of writing in the corner of the paper. When he reads it he nearly allows his feelings to overtake him in front of Master Windu and Qui-Gon.

> _To Kenobi_
> 
> _I'm sorry._


	2. Look How Old We've Become

Obi-Wan understands Anakin's dislike for sand every time he sets foot on Tatooine.

He cringes at his own thoughts. Thinking about Anakin was a mistake. He wished his dear friend wasn't on his mind so often. Being in the place he first met the boy certainly is not helping him keep his mind off the tragic loss of his best friend. 

Obi-Wan has a job to do, though. He must watch over Luke, even if from a distance. First, he must gather supplies.

There were too many potential spies at Mos Eisley, so for one last adventure before going into hiding, he set course for the Black Spire Outpost on Batuu. He wouldn't be recognized there.

The jungle plant is much more temperate than Tatooine. He rather likes it, actually. 

After leaving his ship in the landing bay he zips through the town, stopping in where he needs to. There's something off about the city, but he brushes it aside. This is a hub of smugglers and criminals after all. It isn't much of a surprise that the Force would be askew. 

Obi-Wan is in the last store purchasing a few articles of clothing better suited for the desert when he hears the familiar pang of blaster fire outside. His hand instinctively goes to his hilt where his saber hangs and he rushes towards the door where he can see the commotion. A woman runs down the alleyway, a shower of blasters following her. Miraculously, they all seem to miss her or she dodges the lot of them. 

The force is strong with her. 

As one of the blaster yielders runs by, Obi-Wan waves his hand, causing the person to tumble forward, his blaster slamming into his stomach as he rolls to the side in pain. As for the woman, she seems to have disappeared. 

Obi-Wan sighs, grabbing his purchases and exiting the store. He needs to get out of here before he gets dragged into some situation he has no time to be in. Thankfully, the woman and her array of pissed off people seem to have found elsewhere to make trouble. 

He's almost to the docking bay when a figure steps out in front of him from the shadows. Before he can grab hold of his saber he's pushed back against the wall, a hand to his throat, and the bud of a blaster at his temple. 

"You!" the man Obi-Wan tripped earlier. "What are you doing?" 

"Minding my own business, obviously." 

"Yeah? Why did my partner see you--"

He hardly has time to finish his sentence before he's thrown back, flying out of the dark alley he pulled Obi-Wan into and into the street. While in midair, a speeder crashes into the criminal, seemingly unphased by the body hitting the front of it as it continues away. Obi-Wan turns to see another figure step out of the shadows. The woman from earlier. 

"I had that under control." He says to the woman, trying to make out her facial features through the shadow, but she remains at a distance. 

"I didn't realize having a blaster to your head meant having things under control." Her voice is calm and even. A little snarky. 

"I've gotten out of worse situations." 

"I suppose being strong with the Force will give you that," she says, and Obi-Wan freezes. "You are a Jedi--"

"Quiet," he interrupts, stepping in her direction, only for her to step further into the shadows. "Let's not alert the whole neighborhood, now." 

"But you are one?" 

"Depends on your affiliation." 

"The war is over, I'm on no side."

"Everyone has a side." Obi-Wan scoffs. "There will always be another bad guy with a pocket full of credits and a hunger for power." 

"I thought only Sith deal in absolutes." 

Obi-Wan sucks in a breath, suddenly feeling like everything around him has slowed down. Suddenly, her face is flashing through his mind, all the memories coming back to him at once. It was just a simple phrase, said offhand in class, but for whatever reason, they used it _all the time_. 

"Who are you?" Obi-Wan steps forward again, but this time she stays in place.

"I thought you would be dead," she says, her voice hitching in her throat. "I was told all the Jedi were killed." 

He steps forward again. "I never said I was a Jedi." 

She scoffs. "Kenobi, I could know nothing of the Order and still point you out as being a Jedi from a line-up. You might as well wear your saber around your neck." 

Obi-Wan stops his forward progression. She's only a body length away, but he doesn't need to see her face to know exactly who this is. He says her name.

It feels strange hearing it aloud. A sound he hasn't formed with his lips in a long time. 

She steps forward, the light finally hitting her face, and Obi-Wan feels like he can't breathe. The pieces suddenly drop into place. 

The thirteen-year-old girl who couldn't sit still for longer than an hour and repeatedly kicked his ass in combat training. The one who disappeared into the night, leaving him a scrap of a letter and years of fond memories in her wake. Stars, he thought about her nearly every day. So much of his training was tangled up with inside jokes, memorable anecdotes, and the sound of her voice reading their lessons aloud to him. In his head, she always remained that young girl.

This is why seeing her as a woman... a _beautiful_ woman is quite jarring. 

"Obi-Wan Kenobi," she says, saying his name slowly as to pronounce every syllable. "It's been a long time."

* * *

You were too cocky, standing out in the open like this. Obi-Wan is still gaping at you, his eyes scanning up and down your body when you see movement in the corner of your vision. Just as the man wraps his fingers around the hilt of his blaster you shoot your hand to your own, picking it up and shooting a beam over Obi-Wan's shoulder, hitting the man in the hand. He gasps and jumps back behind the corner. Obi-Wan doesn't even flinch. In fact, he's smirking. 

"Never thought I'd see you with a blaster." 

You roll your eyes, reholstering it and looking up at the scaffolding lining the side of the building. "That won't hold them off for long. We need to go up." 

"Better to have the high ground." you both say at the same time, your eyes locking. Without another word, you begin the climb up. Obi-Wan follows close behind.

It's so strange seeing him. He has a beard, which is unexpected considering the boy in your head only reached your shoulder and hardly had hair under his arms. Now he's taller than you, his body broad and sturdy. His auburn hair he always kept short is now grown out, occasionally falling in front of his light blue eyes. 

You keep sneaking peeks at him, still a bit awestruck that he's really standing here right now. Not dead. 

You really thought he was dead. 

That's why you had to go on this wild chase through the marketplace in the first place. You believed the Jedi were no more. Your best friends, your second family was dead and something inside you broke.

"Why are these men chasing you in the first place?" Obi-Wan asks, somehow nailing the topic of your ruminations as he always was able to do. 

"I was righting a wrong. They didn't see it that way." 

"Are you purposefully being vague to protect me or cover your own ass?" 

You stop to look down at him dramatically. He's a few rungs below you on the ladder, his hair blown to the side and his lips twisted in a mischievous smile. 

"I see becoming a Jedi master hasn't diminished your wit."

"I've been told it's gotten much worse, actually." 

You chuckle as you refocus on climbing. Soon enough you reach the roof, pulling yourself over the side and rolling over the ledge. Obi-Wan follows close behind, taking a seat next to you. You can hear footsteps in the alley below. After a few minutes of hearing them angrily yelling at one another, they take off towards the street, going in the opposite direction of your hiding place. 

"I think they're gone," he says, peering over the side. 

You sit in silence for a moment. Your labored breath from climbing finally normalizes as you stare out over the city, the lights beginning to shine as the day comes to an end. You've found yourself on a rather high building and the view is breathtaking for a town that deals in such ugly affairs. 

"I pawned my saber," you say in a soft voice, not meeting Obi-Wan's eyes. "I needed food... and it was the only thing I owned of value. After I heard about the Jedi being killed... my regret became too much. I tracked it to a gang here and stole it back." 

Silence. The sound of speeders passing and street vendors chattering below fills the void. 

"You could have come back," he says finally. You look up at him, a little surprised he isn't chewing you out for selling the last piece of your past. "Despite what they told you, they wouldn't have turned you away. Qui-Gon mentioned you from time to time. Considered coming to find you... then the war began and things got a bit messy." 

"So you became his padawan after all?" you smile. "I knew it." 

"He's dead," Obi-Wan says, his voice void of any emotion. You reach over, placing your hand over his. He leans into your touch, turning his hand over to intertwine his fingers with yours. "I can't believe I'm sitting here with you right now. After... After so much loss and- and somehow I've found you again." 

You rub circles with your thumb over his calloused hand. A few scars litter his skin. A map of the life he's lived since the last time you were with him. 

"Why are you here, Obi-Wan?" 

The darkness of night has begun to set in but you can still feel Obi-Wan's gaze pointed down at you. He squeezes your hand. 

"I lost everything. My friends, the Jedi. My own apprentice. I failed in an unspeakable way and now I must do what I can to try and protect the ones who have a chance at a new life. I came here for supplies." 

"Where will you be living?" 

"Well," he pauses. "I still have to do some searching for--"

"If you can't tell me that's okay." 

"I want to tell you. I just..."

"I know." you nod, squeezing his hand back. "I understand." 

You eventually leave the roof, leading Obi-Wan through the city to the tiny room you have been renting while living here. It's hardly the size of your room as a padawan, with only a mattress on the floor, a few packing crates to form a table and chair, and a mostly unfunctional kitchen. Obi-Wan looks around, his brow wrinkled at the bare-bones facilities. You start searching through cabinets for something to offer him to eat. You find a few portions you can make and a bottle of fire-water. Wiping two glasses clean you pour two glasses and add water to the portion to prepare it.

You can feel him looking at you. His mouth opens and closes as he works the courage to speak whatever is on his mind. For Obi-Wan to not be flapping his mouth with whatever has entered his mind means it is a touchy subject. Fortunately, with the large gap of time with only a few life-altering instances he would be aware of, you know what's on his mind. 

"You can just ask me about it, you know." You turn around offering him the glass. He takes it, holding it up to his nose to smell before bringing it to his lips and taking a sip. 

"What happened after... you know."

"I left?" you cross the room, settling down on your mattress cross-legged. This is not a conversation you will get through standing up.

"You left." 

You take a sip of the fire-water, the burning sensation crawling down your throat. "I hitched a ride to Sargon. It took a long time to bounce around the galaxy before I found someone that would drop me off. It was nearly a full cycle before I arrived. I found my own village. I searched the entire planet for any survivors, but the gang that killed my parents struck in the night. Nobody saw it coming and nobody that was there survived." 

The emotion crackles your voice. You haven't told the story of your life after leaving the Jedi Temple to anyone before. Obi-Wan seems to take notice of this, taking a seat next to you on your mattress. He takes your hand, much like the time in his bedroom so many years before. 

"It was just like I saw in my vision. The whole place decimated. Once I realized my family was gone and the ones who killed them had already moved on to another planet I... I didn't know what to do. I wanted revenge... but even with everything, I could hear Master Yoda telling me to calm down and think. After I had some time to grieve, I started taking random jobs wherever I could get them. I worked on a farm on Sargon and saved up enough credits to pay for a ride to an outpost where I could find better work." 

You take another sip of your drink. Your tolerance has become shit and you can already feel it buzzing in your head. "I... thought about coming back. Every day." 

"Why didn't you?" 

"Part of it was money. I was making just enough to live, sometimes not even that. Paying someone to fly me across the galaxy was out of the question, and with the war, most people were hesitant to go near the core planets." 

"What was the other part?" 

You meet Obi-Wan's eyes. Despite the rest of his appearance changes, those crystal blue eyes are still the same as they've always been. There was never anything more constant than the way Obi-Wan would look at you, with his bright eyes and goofy smile. While he may lack the grin at this moment, you can at least see the boy you have continued to care deeply for so many years removed.

"Fear." 

He nods, tipping back the rest of his drink and setting the empty cup on the ground. "They would have looked past your vulnerabilities. Given you time to heal. Our masters were hard-asses but they were fair where it counted. 

You shake your head. "I made a choice. My life has been a consequence of it. I've accepted it at this point."

"You accept living in this way?" He gestures around the room. "You've accepted living on slave rations and low credit work?"

"I get by and I don't have to break my values to do so," you huff. Obi-Wan seems to diffuse with your words. "Contrary to what you _seem_ to think I've been doing all these years, stealing my saber back was the first crime I've committed in quite a while."

The Jedi falls quiet and you take the moment to just breathe. It's been a long time since you've had to confront, well, any of this. It's exhausting. 

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan says softly. "I'm thinking selfishly. Thinking about how things would be different if you returned. Or never left. It's not right to dwell on a past that doesn't exist." 

"There's my Jedi." you chuckle, leaning into him so you can rest your head on his shoulder. He molds around you, his arm snaking behind your back. 

"Oh," his breath is hot against the skin just below your ear. "how I've missed you, my dear." 

You stay like this for a while. His arms curled around you like a protective shell. You, grasping onto him and memorizing the way it feels to have him close. You hold each other like at any moment one will disappear into thin air. Maybe it's all the loss of the war, making you suddenly feel the need to find the warmth of another in any way. Just to feel like someone is there. Maybe it's the connection you and Obi-Wan once shared being rekindled. Either way, you don't ever want to move and lose this incredible feeling of security.

Per usual, your wishes are not answered. As your eyes begin to droop with sleep you can feel Obi-Wan shifting behind you, his grip loosening. You feel him settling you down on the mattress, shifting his body to the side out from under you. 

"Are you leaving?" you ask, a flash of emotion running through his eyes. 

"I too, need some sleep." 

"You can stay with me." 

"I'm sure the quarters on my ship are much more comfortable than trying to sleep on the kitchen--"

"Kenobi." you interrupt and he stops, his mouth forming an O as he realizes what you are offering. You can see the gears in his head-turning. 

You expect some sort of sarcastic retort. Maybe he'd make fun of you, bringing up the childhood crush that the other younglings liked to tease you and Obi-Wan about. Or make some sort of sexual reference. As you've come to realize, the Obi-Wan that stands before you has changed quite a bit over the years. Maybe more than he's stayed the same. 

Wordlessly, he steps forward, shrugging off his outer cloak and slipping off his shoes. Your jaw practically drops when he steps over you carefully, placing himself between you and the wall and settling in on his side so he looms over you laying on your back. 

"Imagine what our classmates would say if they saw us now," he whispers, a small smile peeking out from under his beard. You grin. The old Obi-Wan will always still be in there somewhere. 

* * *

She has long drifted to sleep. Her breaths even. A slight snore whistles through her nose every so often. 

Obi-Wan doesn't know what's come over him. He knows better than to allow himself these types of things. Attachments are forbidden in the Jedi Order for a reason.

Yet. 

She's so warm against him. He reaches his arm out and rests it softly on her waist. She stirs slightly and he freezes. Obi-Wan doesn't move as she turns over, throwing her arm over his abdomen and resting her head on his chest. He waits as her breathing evens out again and she falls into a deep slumber. And then he relaxes, letting his arms wrap around her, embracing her against him. 

He knows it's wrong but to hold someone so close is intoxicating. It makes him feel real again. Plus, it's not like there are any Jedi Masters to scold him. 

Ever since Anakin's death, Obi-Wan has been plagued by the gruesome memories that followed. Every time he closed his eyes, the face of his Padawan stared back at him with charred skin and wild eyes. He's awakened calling out to him every night so far. So much loss in this war. So many lives, majority innocent. Obi-Wan is glad he's spending the rest of his days in the deserts of Tattooine. He can't bear to face the galaxy that took everything from him. If anything, watching over Padme and Anakin's children may be the best way to live out the rest of his days. At least he will have a new purpose apart from the Jedi. 

As for whatever the hell is going on with his childhood friend here, Obi-Wan's mind draws a complete blank. He is attracted to her, yes. He has always been drawn to her fiery personality and the independence she always held. She always knew what he was thinking, often before he even knew. As a youngling, these feelings were platonic, but he can't deny that up until right before she left, he was beginning to form those forbidden romantic feelings for his friend. Having her back has well... brought up a lot of unresolved feelings. 

Obi-Wan has an answer for everything. Whether it be a snarky retort or a clear head when figuring out what to do, he is never without an answer. Unless it comes to her. 

His eyelids grow heavy, and he curls further into her embrace, intertwining his legs into hers. Despite being apart for so long, this just feels so natural. So comforting. Her touch is therapeutic, and he falls asleep with the tension gone from his brow, and a small smile on his face.

* * *

You never would have taken Obi-Wan to be a man who leaves. Waking up alone in your bed confused you, especially with how easily he let himself mold against you. The space he laid is still warm, practically mocking you with the reality that he was truly here and now you are alone again. 

Of course, maybe you don't know him anymore. Years have passed. Both of you have experienced more horrors than you can even begin to call to your present mind. If it hadn't been for the serendipitous meeting in the alleyway, you could likely pass him on the street without a second thought. That is, also considering the Force allowed you to miss such a specific presence. 

You did not want to tell him, but you sensed him as soon as he arrived on the planet. Okay, maybe you were unsure of it being him, but you had a feeling. That's all you needed. 

Still, leaving you was uncharacteristic. Your mind goes back through the previous night. Maybe you said something to off-put him. Maybe he was called to action. 

Footsteps outside your door. You snap back to reality, reaching into your bag. Your fingers wrap around a familiar hilt and you pull your weapon up, igniting your saber. The door swings open, and you wait for whoever or whatever to show themselves. 

"Stand down." the steady voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi says before he can even show himself. You step back, dropping your weapon as he steps in, closing the door behind him. He looks at you, his eyebrow raised and then his eyes flicker to your saber, which you still hold ignited. A small smile comes to his lips. "You updated it." 

Indeed you had. Your saber as a mere padawan did not grow with you, unfortunately, so you took some liberties.

"Lengthened the hilt with some scrap parts I picked up along the way." 

"The fabric?" he says, stepping forward and pointing to a scrap of blue wrapped around the hilt. 

You swallow hard. "A scrap from my home. It was a part of my parent's bedroom blanket. One of the few artifacts left over in the carnage."

"It matches your kyber." 

You smile, admiring the similar shades of blue before lowering the blade. "It does." 

Obi-Wan turns, revealing a bag from behind his back and carrying it to your table. you follow him curiously. "What do you have there, Kenobi?" 

"Breakfast." 

"Were my rations not adequate enough for your elevated, Core Planet palette?" 

He rolls his eyes at you, taking out a box of delicious looking pastries. The aroma of freshly baked goods immediately hits your nose and your mouth begins to water accordingly. 

"You were saying?" he chuckles, holding out one of them. You take it, biting into it immediately. It's warm and soft, with a slightly sweet taste that makes you melt. 

"OhmyMaker." you say between bites, nearly inhaling the entire thing in one breath. "Incredible." 

"You act as though you haven't eaten in..." he trails off as you lock eyes with him. His expression goes from playful to guilty in an instant. You swallow, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. 

"Four years, I think." 

"Four years?"

"Since I had a proper meal. Something other than rations, which only make you bloated so you confuse the inflammation for being full." 

He stares at you for a long while, his eyes raking up and down your body like he just realized that the pants you are wearing are held up by a makeshift belt and your hollowed cheeks are not just your bone structure.

"Come with me." He says suddenly, stepping forward and taking your hands in his. "I have credits and connections, it won't be glamorous, but it would be comfortable." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"My final mission. I will be living on Tattooine. Watching over a child from a distance. I could be a hermit, but I thought at length about it last night and all morning. You won't have to live ration to ration anymore, I could--

"Obi." you say softly. He shakes his head.

"No, listen. I could get my best friend back. We would be together." 

"The time we've spent apart doubles the time we've spent together."

"All the more reason! We have a lot to catch up on." 

"And what about the code?" He exhales sharply. Like he was hoping you wouldn't question him about this. Make him face the reality of what he is proposing. "Look how old we've become. If we move to Tattooine--move into a home together... Obi-Wan, I can not promise I will not fall in love with you as I did as a kid. And if you are set on upholding the Jedi code... I will be just as trapped there as I am here." 

"As you did as a kid?" he repeats. 

"Well, as much about love as a young Jedi can possibly conceive. And that is beside the point." 

He stares at you, the annoyance draining from his eyes as quickly as it appeared. His expression is softer, a small smile on his lips as he searches your face with those beautiful blue eyes. You can feel his palms sweating where they are touching your skin. 

No Force sensitivity could have prepared you for the move he made next. Your quick reflexes were no match for him swooping down, releasing your hands and pressing one hand to your waist and the other reaching up to cup your cheek. You barely had time to take a breath before he stole it, pressing his lips to yours ever so softly. Your knees threaten to buckle as he pulls you into him, and you finally respond through the shock. Your clasp your hands around the back of his neck and lean into his touch as he kisses you again. 

The moment ends just as quickly as it began. He backs off, still holding you but allowing the both of you to breathe for a moment. 

"So not upholding _that_ code I see," you say breathlessly. 

"As much as it pains me to acknowledge, the Jedi are not so much of an order anymore. There are few of us, and we are in exile. I've given my entire life to the Jedi. I followed the codes to my best ability and what did it get me? Death and destruction at every turn. The Jedi order may as well have imploded on itself. As sad as it may be, this may be my new beginning. I know one thing I want from it is to have you there with me." 

"You'd be a horrible hermit, anyways. You'd have no one to fuss over." 

"Is that a yes then?" 

You lean forward and kiss him once more. As you break away you hover, your noses nearly touching. "It is a yes." 

* * *

"Ben Kenobi?" you repeat, letting the name roll around in your mouth. "What's wrong with Obi-Wan?" 

You're helping him pack his ship on the morning you are to depart to Tattooine. Obi-Wan mentioned he would be assuming an alias in his new life and gave you his final pick. 

"I'm still in hiding. I can't have my real name floating around and the wrong people find out about it." 

"But you are keeping the same last name." 

"Kenobi is a pretty common family name." 

"You're also a significant war general. And a Jedi Master. Both of which refer to you as General or Master Kenobi, not as Obi-Wan." 

He sighs, scratching his beard. 

"Ben Kenobi is my final pick." 

"Now you're just being stubborn because you know I'm right!" 

"Need I remind you I'm a _Master_ and a _General_? In fact, I think you brought up those points yourself. I know what I'm doing."

"Those titles only mean you can wave a shiny stick around better than most, don't flatter yourself, Kenobi." 

He turns away from you, trying to hide the grin on his face. You see it, which makes you smile. 

Closing the cargo door, you and _Ben_ head into the ship. You take a seat in the co-pilot chair while he starts up the controls. As the ship clears for take-off and you jet out into the atmosphere, you can't help but let out a sigh of relief that feels like you've been holding for the past ten years. You feel at home once again. 


End file.
